PA, Birthday, Work

So I haven't updated in a while. Me emily rayanne and dyllan went to PA to visit my parents and go pumkin picking. My birthday also just passed im 22 wooo. other than that i have just been working like crazy. i need to have some serious fun preferanly not in ny anyone down
here are some pics.

Miley Got Way to into the fall spirt.


As Clearly Did Rayanne.
"you don't look attractive in theat picture" - emily taylor Yetter



For my birthday sam and me carved pumpkins. Its was interesting.


sams carved and upside down cross in hers.


Finished products.


Finally to end it off this is basically all me and rayanne have been doing at work all day since no one has come into the store for the last 2 hours.



End.

New Turn and Joe

So im going to switch things up a little bit with this blog i have tons of pictures i need to post PLUS im going to start a new thing where i take pictures of people i kinda fall in love with on the Train and post it

First Im going to start with this hansome man me and dyllan saw on the train the other night after our trip to holboken



Im going to call him Joe. Joe Is in his mid 20's Single and ready to mingle.
His intrests are dreading hair. playing The mini guitar to random people on the train to warm there heart. He enjoys not bathing and is up for a little adventure everyonce and a while. This may include just doing E or maybe even dropping some acid.
His Turn ons are Tie dye.

AKA RAYANNE GET ON IT WITH YOUR TYEDYE Nation.

dear god.

how do i always get myself into these situations

relapse

its bad this time real bad.....everything makes me think of him.
i was doing sooo good. its like when your a drug addic or an alcholic and you relapse what do they call it falling off the band wagan? not that i was addicted to him....(well i mean what the definition of addiction hold on im going to look it up....
ADDICTION - compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal)

all i want to do is text him. its gets even more pathedic.i went to rayanne and emilys tonight and we watched sex and the city and i compared him to mr.big WHO THE FUCK AM I......i sound like some pathedic 13 year old scene girl cutting her wrists at home. the thing that makes me so man is that he doesn't feel the same way and never will. its been a year ONE YEAR since we met and im still freaking out over him. what the hell is wrong. god im pathedic.

im going to start cleaning my room and try to forget about it.

Back from the dead

Well after a long hiatis im going to start this shit up again...

1st things first this movie is coming out




YOU HAVE TO READ THE BOOKS FIRST THERE SOO GOODDD.



also my birthday is coming up. going to PA with some friends the week before the celebrate it im stoked. nothing else is really new school and work is basically my life. i've been spending all my time with emily and rayanne...and missing someone i shouldn't be missing blahhhhh.....slipped up a little last week when i got wasted but im back on track. and pretending it never happened hahaha.

this week i have monday and weds. off these are the first days i've had off in months im so excited for them its going to be amazing. im going to do nothing on monday and maybe go to the zoo on weds cause its free. oh well im going to go talk to you later

late night entry.

so tonight i hosted trash and at the end of it i was waiting to get paid and a guy who has become a very close friend of mine and me were having a conversation and in the talk he said that me and him were a like. which by all means is flattering but i took a look at where i am right now and realised that hey I'm still depressed over a guy who fucked me over three times. and i was nothing but nice to him i have had so many chances to be with other people but i have waited around even though we don't talk anymore for him to realise how amazing i was to him and how i really cared but NEWS FLASH not going to happen. he doesn't care about me or really anything. so i think for once and for all I'm finally over this and him and everything. I'm ready to find someone who can treat me good not cheat on me and go behind my back and talk to go knows how many boys.

the end.

PS. i miss rayanne and Emily.

Summer.

Its offically here and i promise to make this a good one. i have no responsiblities exept Work. Rayanne comes back in three weeks. a lot has changed since i last wrote in this thing. I got over that boy 100% the sight of him turns my stomach let him go out and be a whore and fuck random dudes without protection and get some type of STD its not my problem anymore. other than that i plan on doing a lot this summer this includes:

Beach.
Parks
Shows
PA
dance parties

and lots more.

i also know im going to findsome one this summer someone awesome. i can feel it.

hope you come down with something they cant diagnose

so yet again im played as a fool. he gave his number to some guy when he was working. This is the third time i've tried and gotten hurt i don't know why i deserve this. i've tried to move on and everyone else lacks substance no one is interesting. exept my dog. really i don't know what to do to make him understand how much i like him. this has never happened before.

To The End

well its offically over. he is seeing someone and thats fine and normal and what people do when they stop seeing someone is find someone else. i didnt think i would have to go and see it though. which is going to suck. And on top of this the one person i can see myself moving on with doesnt even live here. at least i have miley and my new apartment and my new job which im going to be making a lot of money at. so thats good. i kinda miss home and i cant go there till the summer because of work and school so thats not fun. other than that spring break is sooon WOOO!!! and tats about it!

sleep procrastination

so i cannot sleep its probably because thats why i did all day instead of going to class, i also applyed for another credit card EEP!
i figured since im getting my dog soon i need them just incase you know....also im 100% over and done with J who i have mentioned in previous blogs. i have come to the conclution i do not need to be treated like that and i can find someone better. untill than i am quite content with getting wasted and yelling and hitting boys which is what i did on weds night lol. I get to go home on friday with dana im really excited my parents got a new puppy that i get to see for the first time im not going to forget my polariod this time so i will have lots of pictures. wooo! other than that nothing is really new high voltage is weds i'll post a flyer soon, and we are moving in may which is exciting so i guess we will start looking at places soon. i will be living with kelsey ama dana essy and my new pup which i will be getting soon!! wooo

trust issues

i swear to god this boy is going to be the death of me!. it will happen.
i have realised i have extreamly horrible trust issues which is why i probably cant stay in a relationship. i always try to find something wrong with the person which would most likely drive anyone away. i guess this is something i need to work on.
and least i can be happy again for a little bit, cause god knows how nice it was laying next to him again last night like nothing ever happened. i missed it so much words cant even discribe what i would do for that kid. and who knows why cause he's cocky and stupid and kind of a jerk and really mean. maybe thats why though.

New Hair, New Me

So recently i haven't really been in the best of moods. basically over some boy who i kinda was seeing a couple of months ago. If your dim-witted and don't know who i am talking about his name is justin. So i kind of knew who he was before i accually met him but not really i accually used to hate him because he kind of dated two of my x boyfriends. So finally we accually met and we talked (drunkly) and i started to think maybe he wasnt such a bad person. we ended up going home together but nothign happened. after that we started talking and hanging out everyday. and first i was just like ok well this is nice. than we started having talks about not seeing other people and how much we liked each other it even went so far as him introducing me as his boyfriend at a party. One thing you need to know about me i never like anyone really but when i fall i fal hard. i also have very big trust issues from stuff that has happened to me in the past. I was super happy though i spent most of my time with him i used to always be at his apartment i stopped going out. it was kind of a big deal for me cause i have never done that for anyone before. I got along really well with his roommates in fact we still talk. Than suddenly my paranoia set in. i started to slowly realise this kid from france was leaving him comment and all this werid stuff. when i asked him about it he said it was nothing and they were just friends (KEEP IN MIND THIS IS AFTER HE CALLED ME HIS BOYFRIEND WHICH IS NOT A WORD I LIKE TO THROW AROUND IF YOUR GOING TO SAY IT MEAN IT). my natreal reaction to this was becoming distant i started to hate being around him cause i could tell he was lying even though to this day he says he wasn't. Eventually this all lead into a huge fight threw text messaging which i will never forget because i was in hysterics on the puplic bus going down 2nd ave. After some not nice things were said on his part and him saying that i knew nothing about him along with other things i decided i could not be around him or friends with him anymore. I was honesly devistated for a long time i stayed home almost all the time i was always in a horrible mood and when someone would mention him i would get physically sick. (i know some of you may think thats over reacting and that we only "dated" if it was even that for like 2-2.5 months but i did honesly truly care about him and he knew what happened to me in the past and went right ahead and did the same thing to me again) Than about a month later the french kid who was mentioned early comes and lives with him for a MONTH! of course i was annoyed and i mentioned something about how i knew it all along and his response was it happened after me and him stopped talking (I CALL BULLSHIT ON HIS PART) Than one night while i was out having a good time with my friends finally he texts me drunk talking about how he wishs i was there and not the french kid (OH yea this is after the french kid shows up to the party i was hosting) So the next day i message him and say bassically how its not fair that he does stuff liek that and we need to have a talk in person because i cannot move on if he keeps telling me stuff like that to which he responded that he woudl like to do the same and that the french kid was leaving in 2 weeks. WHAT THE FUCK so i was supposed to wait around while he fucked some boy from france but told me how he missed me and i was misserable. YEA OK. all in all the french kid left and we have not talked exept for 1 or 2 drunken messages which i regret writing.
Now to get to my point the reason i am writing this is too number one get it all of my chest and i was recently showed by someone a journal he wrote about the french kid. after reading this journal i became inraged cause he is so hypercitial in it from what i got from it is basically the kid liked him a lot but justin realsed he couldn't be iwth him or something the kid is ignoring him and blah blah blah Its basically exactly what he did to me. so im glad he knows how it feels to be hurt. and maybe i am a little jealous that he is hurting over this kid cause he didn't hurt over me. and maybe i do wish that he realised what he had and lost in me and woudl be upset of that but he never will i know that. i also recenly got mad at my best friend for hanging out with him. which i do appologise for even though the sign was fucking hystericall accually im going to post it so you can see. its just that justin really hurt me and if anyone did that to her i would not give them the time of day i woudl accually probably be really fucking rude to them. but as kelsey brought up im a lot meaner than her and stuff like that really isn't in her nature which is why she is my best friend. but it did hurt and i made that brutally clear to her. in my defence though i did try to make it funny by that poster it was not ment to be taking litterally thought i might have gone a little too far. plus everyone else at work thought it was funny hahahaha.

Finally to end this long rant this is the last im going to write about it or talk about him (well at least try) i know everyone is tired of hearing how up set i am about him and acually just being upset in genreal about him its not woth it at all i did nothing wrong and that journal i was shown just made me realise i would never want to be with someone like that. and basically in the end i win. SO here is to moving on.
so now im off to dye and cur my hair.

school, work, and dating.

so this last week has been so crazy! the first week of school is over only 14 more left haha. i go home in 2 weeks which is exciting i really miss my mom kelsey and rayanne and a few other people are coming too. i dropped my spanish class so i can have a day off during the week so i don't go absolutly insane. so thursdays are usually dedicated to me ama and kelsey laying around in the apartment being fat asses. our lease is up in june and we are going to start looking for new places my mom said that if we get a place thats big enough she will buy me a puppy! im so excited! i cannot wait! something else happened this week too which is kind of exciting. i went on a date! well psudo date but it was still nice. and for the first time in liek 4 months i didn't think of ______ while i was with him. it was cute i took a car to park slope around 9ish we got some food and just hung around in his room. and the good thingabout it it only took like 25 min to get home this morning. im really excited so we will see where things are going. im excited to hang out out again well me and ama are in bed right now we are going to try and figure out something to eat. and if we are going out tonight if you know of anything fun to do 5706208329...
andi will leave you with a picture of the awesome tattoo charles did for me!

no updates

Ugh so i haven't updated in so long i have been so busy and trying to get my life back in order. i've done so much thinking over the past month and i've realised a lot of things. first i should never let anyone get me so upset to the point i don't want to leave my bed cause no one is worth that. though i do regret how things worked out between us and i wish that he did realise how much i did care about him and how much he really did hurt me in the end. but i guess in the end whats done is done and there is no going back. good thing i have amazing friends to get me through shit like that.
im going to london! wooo to visit this kid i know im really stoked. i cannot wait!. since the last time i posted i got 3 new tattoos, a jellyfish with a boy trapped in it that my really good friend lizzy drew. some diamonds on my arm and a zombie holding a bloody heart on my forarm that this kid charles tattooed on me. high voltage has been back on and thats been fun. school started so my weekly schedual is monday classes from 11-9 tuesday work 10-5 class 7-10 weds. class 10-8 thursday class 5:30-10 friday sat and sun work. ahh booo..i have no life anymore. this weekend this girl is coming to shoot me at my apartment and i got a call back for this modeling casting call which is kind of excited my friend just randomly signed me up for it and we went one day. so rayanne took some sexy body shots for me the other day. hahaha. my love life right now is nonexistant but i guess thats good i need some time to recover and think about things and im just having fun right now. not saying that if the right person came along i wouldn't be down for jammin haha. ok well i should get back to work i'll leave you with this picture because its amazing!